5 Jan 2014

Selfie Sunday #01 (+ personal thoughts)

Hello dolls! I'm kinda proud of myself for not missing the first week of this Selfie Sunday haha. It's a great way to not only share a cheeky selfie but also give you an update on life and stuffff. To be honest, I kinda cheated. Let's just say that today was one of my lazy days and I looked like a mess. Therefore, I sneaked this Instagram pic in haha. Also, I might went a bit too crazy on the filters. If anyone's interested, the app is by Bleach London. I'm feeling kind of spaced out right now. Might be, because school starts tomorrow and I'm not prepared in the slightest (emotionally as well as not having read the 150 page book for my french classes but ohwell) 
"It's okay to be sad from time to time."
When I first started this blog, I've always promised myself to be honest with my few but lovely readers and share my personal fears and thoughts on this social platform. I highly doubt that anyone is interested in my 'lifestyle' since let's be honest, taking daily pictures of me doing my homework's, eating unhealthy food and crying over bands doesn't do the job. My school life doesn't leave much time for exclusive trips and pictures of me posing in front of sophisticated buildings somewhere in LA. I don't complain though. I'm grateful for every single person that reads or comments on my blog. They makes my days! There are people living far worse lifes and here I am, a bratty little teenager complaining about everything haha. However, I don't feel like I should hide my feelings, because they kind of make me the person I am. Being a teenager can be hard at times. Failing grades, getting through your first break up's (which I'm not btw), fighting with your parents, you name it. Even if there are far worse things to come, being who you are can be very overwhelming. I'm the human contradiction. I want people to care about my well being but I don't want to tell them how I feel. Weird, I know. I believe that we live in a society that expects us to be happy 24/24. There seems to be no place for 'sad' people. It's damaging us though. I don't think it's possible to be happy all the time. Sometimes, even the cheeriest person gets sad and has to shed some tears. We all need a good ol' cry from time to time. We needed them when we were 4 and scared of the monsters hiding in the closet, we need them now as we're getting over break ups and failing grades and we'll need them when we're 50 and don't know where life is heading. Thing is, that some people get sad easier and more often than others might do. We describe them as weak, sometimes even going as far as saying that they should get themselves "sorted out". Of course, having a home, money and clothes is great. A lot of people are not as fortunate to have a fridge filled with food or to go to school. But it doesn't really change the fact that your sad. It's materialistic to expect people to be happy because of what they posses and what others don't. You might think I'm a lunatic, but I believe that someone going through their first break up can experience the same level of pain as someone experiencing a way more traumatic event. Because pain is relative and different people feel a different way. When I was about 12 and my nan got cancer I didn't really know what to feel. I had this weird feeling of emptiness and sadness inside me. Now that I'm 16 and I'm not sure whether I'd pass my year or not, I'm feeling the same kind of emotions. Even if failing your year isn't as worse as having a relative get seriously sick, it still feels the same to me. Who are we to judge one's happiness and sadness? We don't know how it looks in someones head, how dark it might be in there, but we still feel the need to force their happiness. There is this great quote from a book called The Perks of being a Wallflower that says:

“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.” 

It's the most accurate thing ever. Especially as a teenager, you might occur moments that leave you thinking it won't get better. There will be moments where you'll be sat in your room crying wondering where life will lead you.We all had them. Even the adults that are telling you to get over it. In a few years time we'll laugh at the times we cried ourselves to sleep but right now it all feels very real. The sleepless nights, the tears, it's all real. I don't think anyone will take me serious, because what experience do I have from life as a 16 year old girl? To be fair, I've never had any traumatic events happen to me. Still, I sometimes get lonely. I'm not the most social person, in fact, most of the time I miss out on activities my friends are doing because I'm much more comfortable alone. We expect people to not show a single flaw emotionally. We want them to be socially active. When I first came into my new class, the most important thing for me was to make friends and have someone to sit next to. Not because that's what I truly wanted, but because I wanted to be portayed as a social person through strangers eyes. I honestly couldn't care less if I was alone or not, because I'd get over it. In a few years time I'm not in the same class as them anymore. But other's seeing me as a 'loner' was worrying me. I have friends outside of school, but I still felt the need to befriend people I wasn't 100% comfortable with, just so other whom I couldn't care less about, wouldn't judge me. Crazy huh?

I really want to get away for a while. Go somewhere I've never been before, explore cities, learn about new cultures, meet new people and maybe fall in love. Right now, this all seems very unrealistic. I'm still in school and I can't take a year off for no reason. I also have to save up, since I don't want to live of 'daddy's money'. As soon as I'm done with high school, I want to go away. For a month or two. Maybe even for a year. I do wanna travel on my own though. I feel like it would give the chance to get to know myself a bit more and be who I really am. No more hiding. The thought of going somewhere on my own doesn't scare me. I think what's holding us back, is the fear of failing in someones eye. The fear of being judged by others. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care what others think of me. How stranger see me, does occupy my mind, even if it shouldn't. I don't take pictures outside for the same reason. Maybe someday I grow more confident to do such things.

Anyway, I don't think I'm making any sense right now nor what the point of this was. If you read through this, it means a lot to me! You can always talk to me, just drop me an e-mail: mira2503@hotmail.co.uk or write me on Facebook. See you tomorrow xo

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